Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....