I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
