I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
