I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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