I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Good thing I've started drinking again