He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE