she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
