Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
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She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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