party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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