I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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