you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My penis needs a shock collar
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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