its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
