I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
