I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
