I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
