I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
3pm strippers are depressing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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