One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
