I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
