Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
