I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
