Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
