she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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