i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
