The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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