I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
