Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
