the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
