My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
