Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
