I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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