kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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