I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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