I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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