I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
