I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
