Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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