omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize