You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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