Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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