those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
