when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
