the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
