how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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