My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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