It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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