if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
