who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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