a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Even my vagina gasped.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
