He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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