my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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