allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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