Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
