So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
