I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
