The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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