Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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