I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
