i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
