I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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