I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
