Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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