dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He kissed a someone with a penis
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
