so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
