If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
