what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
