But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
