Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
