why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
