My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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