Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
