she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
