Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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