marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
they need to just BURY HIM!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
