My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
