all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
