tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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